Why?

Are you afraid to be the same in your own actions as you are in your desire? (Macbeth). Will you always say “I can’t” after “I won’t”? Were you drunk when you first bent on one knee and professed infinite love and promised a lifetime of partnership in the midst of a room full of all our friends? And is it only now, half a decade later that you are awakening from that drunk stupor, pale and groggy from days of affection and nights of indulgence?

You have a choice here. And that choice is not between two women, as you have ranted a lot of late. It is much simpler. It is a choice between honest love and avoiding conflict. And then again, why is there a conflict escapes me for all my life and sensibility.

What is it that your mother resents in me? My caste? Does she believe I come from a long line of flawed genes with psychopaths and murderers as my ancestors? Or is it my independence? Is that a threat to her conservative order of your home? Or does she intend to get your married to a flower vase? For, that may bring you interim pleasure but your heart and mind and soul will forever remain with me. Won’t they love?

And what mother would want to ruin her son’s happiness by asking him to forsake his love? I challenge you, be the man the world thinks you are and stand up for your happiness. Challenge her emotional insecurities with reason. You made a promise to me. That was repeated in every hug, every kiss, every phone call and every message. A marriage is but a piece of paper to me. Sign it with me, sign it with another, who cares? But break the promise and you will forever fall in my eyes. The eyes of the one who has known you best, from within. You will forever remain a coward there. Forever.

*** Though written as part of an exercise at Write Club Bangalore in a session on “Monologues”, this is a common question I have had and seen others have in the context of the Indian society and expectations of Indian Mom’s of Indian Men.