My Portal to Peace – Sunset Point

I felt peace.

It was 2 am in the morning, or the night.The sky was clear. Sparkling. Literally. With a million stars and the seven of my favourites, the saptrishi, were right above. At the perfect viewing angle.The moon was the right shape. Not the boring full circle. But the elegant crescent, placed right amidst the light clouds that dotted the night sky for the perfect setting.

My new headset was doing an amazing job. Taylor Swift’s Blank Space was playing. I leaned over the Balcony parapet on the ninth floor staring into a vast blank city edge with an elegant empty overbridge dotted golden with quiet street lights.”…Cause darling I’m a nightmare, dressed like a daydream” the music, the rhythm. It was perfect.

I breathed in the fragrance of the fresh Raat Rani’s that were blooming on the street below. And sighed.

Peace. Was underrated.

That night I thanked myself for being able to afford that balcony, a portal that connected me to the night sky in its various moods across the seasons. A portal into inner peace.

The flat that I lived in was old. Almost uncomfortable. Being the 20 th place I had moved to in 17 years, I consciously avoided creating any personal attachments with the space. Life had been uncertain. Was still uncertain. I did not know how long I’d be here.

The last place I had called mine and setup had caused a lot of pain when I had to leave it. Dismantling piece after piece of furniture and decor that had stories and emotions invested.And so this flat was bare. It came with some old mismatched furniture from the owners, dusty, pale and uncomfortable. But functional.And I preferred it that way.

Emotions had become a burden I didn’t want to carry for a while.But as I moved in and started cleaning and rearranging furniture, I realised that the previous tenants had conveniently covered a lovely west facing balcony and windows with a heavy panel of cupboards and old unused furniture. When I had signed the lease I didn’t even know my bedroom had that view.After dusting and squealing and jumping from all the little insects and pests that had built homes in the dark crevices between the walls and the cupboards. After pushing and heaving and sweating, I finally uncovered a wall with a window and an adamantly sliding door to a tiny balcony. Together they formed a panorama of the west sky and the city limits that was going to be my solace for a long time to come.

The balcony gave me the perfect view of the sunset every evening. I adjusted an old sturdy mahogany study table and a chair right in front of the window and next to the balcony. Every evening that I was at the desk, I would inadvertently get up and spend a few minutes bidding the sun adieu. I enjoyed taking pictures of the sun and the clouds and the birds and the sky. It became my pride. As if those sunsets belonged to me.

On an occasional winter evening, I’d make hot chocolate and sip it while enjoying the view and watching the drama unfold in the sky at dusk.

During rainy afternoons, I’d step out to look for a rainbow on the horizon and give weather updates to my friends. As I could see the clouds across my small town.

On stormy nights, I’d try to capture the magnificent lightning that split the vast sky for a split second. I’d stand close to the parapet, holding tight, feeling the strong winds sweep through my hair and face.

On cloudless summer and winter nights, when the moon was due in the west sky, I’d spend quite some time staring at its waxing and waning form through the days, sharing stories and memories I had with it or as it had watched over in the past.

On some nights, I could even see the moon from the bed through the open door as I slept. A beautiful sight to sleep to.

It was the perfect setting for romance. And for the longest time it eluded me, romance. But then, as they say, the balcony, though very briefly, but still magically, manifested a brief love story. Brief, sad but beautiful. And to add to my album of perfect moments, I got my sunset kiss with that beautiful backdrop of a sparkling golden sky and soft chirping birds.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with a chaotic mind. An overworked chaotic mind that has it’s own spectrum of darkness and depression for each day of the week, every week of the year, year on year. But that tiny balcony, on some evenings and nights, became the portal to peace for that chaotic darkness. I had never realised a small square foot of space could be so calming and life changing. And for a long time to come, when things get difficult, the memories of my personal sunset point will be my very own magical and priceless portal to peace.

I left that apartment today for good. It was never mine and my time there was always limited. With all my attempts to not get attached to yet another space and keeping it void of any personal touch, sunset point, as I call that place, ended up becoming incredibly personal and instrumental in my personal evolution.

And I will miss it.

*written as part of writeclub bangalore’s session on giving character to inanimate things.