An Unusual Chat

Window Lizard: Hey there!

Me: (Grunts and then silence)

Window Lizard: Hey there!

Me:  You’re not real. Go away.

Window Lizard: Ah ha! If I’m not real I cannot go away right? And if I go away then I ain’t not real, now.  Got cha! Ha ha ha ha ha.

Me: (Grunts and puts on headphones)

Window Lizard: Don’t you get lonely? Sitting all night long, staring at that light and all?

Me: (Shaking head, removing the headphones) None of your business. Go away.

Window Lizard: Nah…Where else in this sleepy neighborhood would an old fellow like me get a lighted window at this time, huh? 

Nah… I ain’t going nowhere missy. I sit here and I eat them innocent insects. Stupid fellows. Generations and generations have died for their love of light and they still keep coming. (Rolls tongue out and snaps in a big wasp, Gulps)

Me: Yuk, what kind of a monster does that?

Window Lizard: (Smacking its lips and licking its mouth with its tongue) My kind.

That one was delicious. This winter has been AWESOME. You and the lighted window and these buggers. (Rubbing a tiny paw across it’s belly)

Me: (Giving a disgusted look) Filthy beast. Leave me alone.

Window Lizard: So don’t you have any work or nothing kid? All night long…just sitting and staring. Getting up to fill that mouth with oily looking scraps. And back to staring. 

(Pauses)

Just sitting and staring…talking into that light as if it can listen huh! And just that. Not moving a muscle below that fat neck. 

Me: (Blushing, opens mouth to say something, then shuts it, opens again) Dude, I am working. ALL THE TIME. The talking … is…. working. 

Ideas, codes, apps. It’s all here, you won’t understand coz you don’t have anything there. (pokes a finger on her forehead, opens mouth, closes again, face turning a full red now)

Window Lizard: ‘(Looking confused) Huh! That’s what you call “work”? Don’t see you getting any food for that. That’s no hard work. This is. (Slowly, stealthily, glides across the window, one tiny paw at a time and swallows another insect. A fat beetle, makes a crunching sound and shuts its eyes) 

This, young lady, is talent. Years of practice and muscle power. 

And this is the reward (points claw tip to a swollen belly)

Me: (Back to staring at the  screen, tapping fingers nervously on the desk) You’re a heartless, filthy, slimy, good for nothing sadist….You..

Window Lizard: (making a tut – tut sound) Look look, who we got all rattled here. Now now missy, you munch out of your cans and tins,  let me have my little treats.

Very touchy…aren’t we today?

Me: (Ignoring, staring at the screen and typing away)

Window Lizard  I’m here if you want to talk. The old missus is taking a night off. And all the kids are out on the streets near the bigger lights. So I’m lonely too…

Me: (snapping) what do you mean by “too”? Huh?

Window Lizard: (slithering closer towards the center of the window) Come on girl..You know what I mean…. After all, I do roam at nights…I do see things….Your kind doing things…naughty things… You, not doing things…

Window Lizard: (completely turning towards the center of the window) Ewww… ewww ….eww… (then suddenly realizing something) ….Talking about naughty things….Last week….I saw you too you see… and her… looked a littler fairer and younger than your usual hunting mate…. Not the missus I guess? Some pretty noisy stuff you were doing with her.

Me: (uncomfortable, taking a full u-turn on the window)Umm…umm.. You couldn’t have seen that. The curtains were closed. I made sure before…before… hmmm…

Window Lizard: (enjoying the twist now, smiling, winked) you would think that now, wouldn’t you. With your tiny eyes and tinier brain. All curtains have cracks my friend… And someone is watching ALL THE TIME…ha ha

Window Lizard: (easing out) “Friend”? Did you just call me friend… ?Awww….

Me: (turning back to the screen, silent)

Window Lizard: Now that we’re friends, let me tell you a secret missy. That was Sheila…. She’s new here. Traveled from the next building. No late nighters like you there. The missus ain’t very fond of her. But man….she-isfun. You know what I mean? (It winked)

Me: (plugging in headphones) Do I seem interested? Go away! You, your insects and your extra-mates. (saying so, switches off the light)

Window Lizard: (psst… rolling out tongue to catch the scattering insects, slithering here and there) But my dinner isn’t over yet Friend. Come on Friend, turn the light back on Friend…

Me: Time’s up. Now you know who’s the boss. (smirking at the dark window and the frantic lizard)

Window Lizard: (huffing and puffing) You’re some mean missy you. Your father was a much kinder man….(saying so, starts pawing it’s way towards the window edge)

Me: (startled…snaps on the light) Wait…my father? You knew him? What…when …where?

Window Lizard: (continues slithering in-spite of the gathering insects near the light) No no…not so easy…mean missy….nasty missy…lazy missy….

Me: (walking quickly to the window, sliding it open) Wait…um…um..Friend…wait….come back…My father? ….you can’t leave now…. That’s not what friends do….wait…(takes a broom from the corner of the room and tries to pull the retreating lizard back in)

** Written as part of Write Club Bangalore’s session on screen writing.**